My failure as a manager: How to find your true self to make and manage the best teams | Summary and Q&A

TL;DR

Neurologists have found that we have multiple internal agents, each with different ideas and feelings, leading to conflicts within our own minds. By integrating these different perspectives, we can make better decisions as leaders and create powerful teams.

Key Insights

• 💡 Neurologists have found that we have many internal agents within us, each with their own ideas, feelings, and motivations.
• 🥺 Conflicts between these internal agents can lead to indecisiveness and reliance on others to interpret our thoughts and feelings.
• ❓ Recognizing and integrating these different perspectives can improve decision-making and leadership skills.
• 🤳 Understanding the stages of development proposed by Robert Keegan provides a framework for personal growth and self-awareness.
• 🥺 Meditation can help in slowing down and observing the different perspectives within ourselves, leading to better integration and decision-making.
• 😤 Building a strong team requires understanding and integrating the differing perspectives of team members.
• 😑 Awareness of conflicts and internal debates allows for greater self-expression and the ability to make informed decisions.

Transcript

Read and summarize the transcript of this video on Glasp Reader (beta).

Questions & Answers

Q: How can understanding the many minds within us help in building a successful team?

Understanding the different perspectives within ourselves allows us to better understand the motivations, wants, and needs of our team members, enabling us to create a more cohesive and effective team dynamic. By integrating these different perspectives, we can foster collaboration and innovation within the team.

Q: How can noticing conflicts within ourselves help in decision-making?

Noticing conflicts within ourselves gives us the opportunity to pause, reflect, and evaluate the various perspectives at play. By giving voice to the different parts of ourselves, we can gain clarity on what we truly want and express our preferences more effectively. This leads to better decision-making and avoids relying on others to interpret our thoughts and feelings.

Q: What are the stages of development according to Robert Keegan?

According to Robert Keegan, there are five stages of development: impulse-driven, needs and wishes-based, socially determined, values-authored, and transcendent. These stages represent the progression of self-awareness and self-definition throughout adulthood, with each stage building upon the previous one.

Q: How can meditation help in integrating the many minds within us?

Meditation helps to slow down our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to observe and become aware of the different perspectives within ourselves. By practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment, we can integrate our many minds and create a sense of calm and clarity, enabling better decision-making.

Q: How can understanding the many minds within us help in building a successful team?

Understanding the different perspectives within ourselves allows us to better understand the motivations, wants, and needs of our team members, enabling us to create a more cohesive and effective team dynamic. By integrating these different perspectives, we can foster collaboration and innovation within the team.

More Insights

• Neurologists have found that we have many internal agents within us, each with their own ideas, feelings, and motivations.

• Conflicts between these internal agents can lead to indecisiveness and reliance on others to interpret our thoughts and feelings.

• Recognizing and integrating these different perspectives can improve decision-making and leadership skills.

• Understanding the stages of development proposed by Robert Keegan provides a framework for personal growth and self-awareness.

• Meditation can help in slowing down and observing the different perspectives within ourselves, leading to better integration and decision-making.

• Building a strong team requires understanding and integrating the differing perspectives of team members.

• Awareness of conflicts and internal debates allows for greater self-expression and the ability to make informed decisions.

• The integration of the many minds within us and within our team can lead to the creation of something greater than any individual.

Summary

In this video, the speaker explores the concept of multiple minds within an individual. They discuss how neurologists have found that we have many different agents inside us, each with their own set of ideas, feelings, and even a history. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding and integrating these different parts of ourselves, both at the individual level and within a team, in order to create something meaningful and impactful.

Questions & Answers

Q: What is a 360-degree review and how can it be helpful?

A 360-degree review is a process in which an executive coach gathers feedback about an individual from the people they closely work with. This review provides valuable insights into one's strengths and areas for improvement. It allows individuals to gain a better understanding of how they are perceived by others and what they can do to enhance their performance.

Q: What realization did the speaker have during their 360-degree review?

During the 360-degree review, one of the team members mentioned that the speaker relies on others to say no for them. They tend to feel things but have difficulty articulating them in the moment. This feedback served as an awakening for the speaker and made them realize that they were not being clear in expressing their thoughts and feelings when necessary.

Q: How does the speaker describe the different sides within themselves?

The speaker describes having their own viewpoint informed by their experience, but also constructing detailed mental models of what other people want. These two sides often engage in debate within the speaker's mind, sometimes with several different perspectives from different coworkers at play. It feels like having many selves arguing it out within their brain.

Q: What happens when the internal debate is not resolved?

When the speaker fails to properly resolve the internal debate between their own viewpoint and the constructed models of what others want, they struggle to make good decisions as a leader. This often leads to relying on others to interpret situations and make decisions on their behalf. It indicates a lack of integration within oneself.

Q: What has the speaker learned about themselves through therapy and coaching?

Through therapy and executive coaching, the speaker has come to realize that they have many minds within them. They have a tendency to lose themselves in other people's perspectives and prioritize their wants and needs over their own. This understanding has allowed them to become more aware of when conflicts arise within themselves and work towards resolving them.

Q: What does the speaker suggest about the experience of consciousness?

The speaker references neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga's work, which suggests that the experience of consciousness as a unitary experience may not be entirely accurate. Gazzaniga's research on individuals with split brains revealed that there are different cells within our brains that the conscious mind is not aware of. This indicates that there might not be a united self, but rather multiple selves within us.

Q: How does the speaker describe the self as a construct?

The speaker shares insights from a documentary by Adam Curtis, suggesting that human beings live in a made-up dream world of stories that give them the illusion of control. They argue that the self is a psychological construct consisting of multiple selves, each with their own emotions, incentives, and control over the motor apparatus. The verbal part of the self then rationalizes the actions of these multiple selves.

Q: What does the speaker mention about organizations and leadership?

The speaker highlights the importance of understanding organizations and leadership in the context of our brains and our social consciousness. They refer to Harvard researcher Robert Kegan's stages of development, emphasizing the need to progress beyond stage three, which is a socially determined sense of self, in order to become effective leaders. By doing so, leaders can create teams and organizations that can bring about meaningful change.

Q: What are Keegan's stages of development?

Keegan's stages of development consist of five stages, with the latter four progressively attained in adulthood. Stage one is impulse or reflex-driven, typical of infancy and early childhood. Stage two is ruled by an individual's needs and wishes, while stage three is socially determined based on the expectations of others. Stage four is characterized by a self-determined sense of self based on personal values, and stage five involves a sense of self that is free from any particular aspect or history, allowing for a focus on the flow of life.

Q: How did the speaker reach a higher stage of self-development?

The speaker realized that they were stuck in stage three, a socially constructed self, and needed to transcend it. They were conflict-avoidant and relied on others to express their preferences. However, by becoming aware of the conflicts happening within themselves, the speaker could inflect into the conflict and express their own desires. This awareness, coupled with practices like meditation to slow down and act calmly, enabled them to progress to a more self-authored stage, similar to Keegan's stage four.

Takeaways

Understanding and integrating the different parts of ourselves is crucial for personal growth and effective leadership. By recognizing the conflicts that exist within us and giving voice to the different perspectives, we can uncover our true desires and make better decisions. This level of integration at the individual level then extends to building a strong and united team, capable of creating something greater than any individual. Progressing through the stages of self-development outlined by Robert Kegan can lead to a life that is truly authored by ourselves, free from the constraints of social expectations.

Summary & Key Takeaways

• Neurologists have discovered that we have many different internal agents within us, each with their own ideas and feelings.

• This leads to internal conflicts when making decisions, as we have to navigate between our own viewpoint and the constructed models of other people's wants and needs.

• Understanding and integrating these different perspectives is crucial for making good decisions as individuals and as leaders of teams.