"DO THIS BUILD Confidence & Destroy NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!" | Susan David & Jay Shetty | Summary and Q&A

Transcript

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Summary

In this video, Jay Shetty interviews Susan David, a Harvard Medical School psychologist and best-selling author, about emotional agility and its importance in thriving during times of complexity and change. They discuss how courage is often expressed as a whisper, the power of labeling and accurately describing emotions, and the need to develop skills to adapt and navigate through discomfort. Susan explains that emotional agility involves being present with and accepting difficult emotions, recognizing that thoughts and emotions are not facts, and creating space for values-aligned choices. She also highlights the importance of integrating rather than segmenting our experiences and emotions for psychological well-being.

Questions & Answers

Q: Tell me more about the idea of courage being a whisper.

Courage is often seen as loud and active, but in reality, it can be expressed in quiet moments of difficult choices. Susan shares a personal story of being scared of death as a child and her father's response, which taught her that courage is not about being fearless, but about walking in the direction of one's fears. Courage can manifest in everyday situations and choices, such as reaching out for a hug instead of building a wall of disconnect or speaking up or listening in a challenging conversation.

Q: How can we be courageous with our own difficult emotions?

Susan emphasizes that being courageous with our difficult emotions is a fundamental aspect of emotional agility. It involves acknowledging and accepting our emotions without judgment, especially during challenging times like the past year. By recognizing that it's normal to find things difficult, we can cultivate self-compassion and create change in ourselves and the world.

Q: Can you explain the concept of labeling emotions accurately?

Susan explains that people often use broad labels like "I'm stressed" to describe their emotions, but this lacks granularity and makes it challenging to manage those emotions effectively. She suggests breaking down emotions into more specific categories, such as feeling depleted, worried, or unsupported. Accurately labeling emotions enables us to understand their causes and respond appropriately, facilitating healthier emotional regulation.

Q: How do we practically handle difficult emotions once we acknowledge them?

Emotional agility involves taking practical steps to navigate difficult emotions. Susan provides two strategies: developing meta-awareness and practicing gentle acceptance. Meta-awareness means noticing thoughts, emotions, and stories for what they are without getting consumed by them. It creates space for choosing intentional responses rather than reacting automatically. Gentle acceptance involves recognizing that emotions are a normal part of being human and allowing ourselves to feel them with compassion. It also involves recognizing that we are not defined by our emotions but are capable of integrating them into our experience.

Q: Why are humans drawn to sameness, and how does emotional agility relate to embracing change?

Humans are naturally drawn to what is easy, coherent, and familiar. However, when we avoid discomfort and sidestep tough emotions, we miss out on opportunities to develop skills and adapt to change. Susan highlights the importance of discomfort in building resilience and expanding our capabilities. Emotional agility allows us to embrace change and navigate uncertainty by developing skills to live in the world as it is, rather than clinging to sameness. By avoiding difficult conversations or situations, we shrink ourselves instead of growing and learning.

Q: Can you elaborate on the concept of integration rather than segmentation for psychological well-being?

Integration is a hallmark of psychological health and well-being. Segmentation, where people label others as toxic or cut them out of their lives based on disagreements or discomfort, leads to a fragmented experience. Integration involves acknowledging and accepting the multidimensional nature of our experiences and emotions. It embraces the idea that life's beauty and fragility are interconnected and inseparable. By integrating our experiences, we can cultivate resilience, adaptability, and growth.