Ep. 99 Best of: How to Handle Challenging Conversations | Summary and Q&A

Transcript

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Summary

In this episode of Think Fast Talk Smart, host Matt Abraham interviews Collins Dobbs, a lecturer in management and executive coach at Stanford Graduate School of Business. They discuss strategies for having challenging conversations and giving constructive feedback. Collins shares the AIR feedback model, which stands for Action, Impact, and Request, as a way to structure feedback. He also emphasizes the importance of slowing down, creating space for different perspectives, and approaching feedback with curiosity and agency. The conversation highlights the significance of connection and understanding in effective communication.

Questions & Answers

Q: How can we be more helpful in challenging conversations?

It can be helpful to slow down and focus on our own awareness of what's going on for us, such as our emotions and desires. By doing so, we can listen more actively and approach the conversation with curiosity and a goal of mutual understanding.

Q: What is the AIR feedback model?

The AIR feedback model consists of three steps: Action, Impact, and Request. In this model, the giver of feedback begins by stating a specific action taken by the recipient, then describes the impact that action had on them, and ends with a request for future behavior. This model provides a structured and concise way to deliver feedback that is clear and actionable.

Q: How can we manage our emotions in challenging communication situations?

Rather than trying to eliminate emotions, it can be beneficial to acknowledge and communicate our feelings to create a connection with the other person. By doing so, we can gain more insight into their perspective and have a more open and meaningful conversation.

Q: How can we be more receptive when receiving feedback?

Adopting a mindset of curiosity and agency can help us be more open to feedback. Instead of feeling defensive, we can approach the feedback as an opportunity for learning and problem-solving. By giving ourselves the space to process the feedback and considering different options, we can make more informed choices on how to respond.

Q: What is the significance of connecting before coaching?

Connecting emotionally with the other person before delivering feedback or coaching is essential. When we establish a connection, we create a safe space for them to hear and understand the feedback. It also builds trust and allows for a deeper level of communication and collaboration.

Q: How can we benefit from the concepts of pace, space, and grace in communication?

By slowing down and creating space in our communications, we can gain a broader perspective and explore different possibilities. This can lead to more effective problem-solving and decision-making. Additionally, approaching communication with grace allows for the acceptance of imperfections and fosters a collaborative and empathetic environment.

Q: What is the best communication advice in five to seven words?

Communication is a team sport.

Q: Which communicator do you admire and why?

Collins Dobbs admires Martin Luther King Jr. for his compelling and collaborative communication style. Dr. King's ability to convey powerful messages while incorporating different perspectives is inspiring and worthy of continued study.

Q: What are the first three ingredients for successful communication?

The first three ingredients are knowing oneself, understanding the audience, and approaching communication as a collaborative endeavor. By being aware of our own thoughts and emotions, considering the perspective of the audience, and working together, effective communication can be achieved.

Takeaways

Effective communication in challenging situations requires self-awareness, curiosity, and a collaborative mindset. By slowing down, structuring feedback using the AIR model, and creating space for different perspectives, we can foster meaningful connections and mutual understanding. It is also important to approach feedback with grace and recognize the role of emotions in the communication process. Ultimately, communication is a team sport that requires active participation and a willingness to learn and grow together.