How To Destroy Your NEGATIVE THOUGHTS & Achieve Anything You Want | Lilly Singh | Summary and Q&A

Transcript

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Summary

In this podcast episode, Lily Singh discusses her new book "Be a Triangle" with host Jay Shetty. They explore various topics, including the concept of coming home, the importance of self-reflection, and the challenges of evolving and updating one's values. Lily also opens up about her experience coming out to her parents and the need for compassion in our relationships.

Questions & Answers

Q: What does it mean to "be a triangle"?

Being a triangle is about building a strong foundation for oneself, encompassing values, beliefs, and priorities. It means recognizing that work and external accomplishments are not the sole determinants of value and happiness. By having a strong foundation, one can navigate life's challenges and experiences with resilience and authenticity.

Q: How did Lily overcome resistance in choosing the book title "Be a Triangle"?

Lily had to fight for the title because her team found it confusing. However, she stuck to her guns and believed that it truly represents the essence of the book. She wanted to convey the importance of building a strong foundation and embracing one's values, even if it meant challenging conventional views.

Q: How does cultural influence play a role in shaping one's values and priorities?

Lily acknowledges that cultural influences, such as her South Asian background, have played a significant role in shaping her values and how she defines success. For example, a degree and traditional milestones like marriage and having children are highly valued in her community. Understanding the generational trauma and survival mindset of her parents helped her realize why they prioritize certain things. It's essential to respect and empathize with different perspectives while also finding one's own path.

Q: How can one shift their focus from external measures of success to internal growth and values?

Lily explains that societal pressure often leads us to measure success based on external accomplishments like grades, promotions, and awards. However, true success lies in personal growth, happiness, and alignment with one's values. Shifting focus requires introspection and redefining what success means on an individual level. Taking time to reflect on what truly matters and finding fulfillment beyond material achievements will lead to a more sustainable and genuine sense of success.

Q: How did Lily learn to give herself permission to be human and let go of perfectionism?

Lily reveals that she has struggled with perfectionism, an all-or-nothing mindset, and self-criticism. She had to recognize that being human means making mistakes and experiencing both successes and failures. She learned to embrace imperfections and celebrate progress rather than obsessing over perfection. By giving herself permission to be human, she shifted her focus to personal growth, happiness, and self-compassion.

Q: How does coming home conceptually relate to self-acceptance and non-judgment?

Coming home is about creating a mental space of safety, security, and non-judgment where one can recharge and reset. It requires accepting oneself fully, including flaws and imperfections, and finding a sense of inner peace. By cultivating this mental home, individuals can embrace their true selves and feel a deep sense of love and belonging.

Q: Why do people tend to be overly critical of themselves?

Lily shares that she is her own toughest critic, often berating herself for even minor mistakes. This tendency can stem from perfectionism, societal pressure, or a fear of judgment and failure. It is a complex issue, but self-awareness and self-compassion can help quiet the inner critic and foster a more positive and accepting mindset.

Q: How can one navigate change and update their values without feeling lost?

Lily emphasizes that change is inevitable and embracing it is essential for personal growth. Instead of categorizing experiences as right or wrong, individuals should allow themselves to evolve and adapt to new circumstances. Our values and priorities may shift over time, and that is normal. By letting go of rigidity and embracing change, we create opportunities for self-discovery, self-improvement, and a more fulfilling life.

Q: What were Lily's experiences when she publicly came out to her parents?

Lily recalls that coming out as bisexual to her parents was one of the scariest and most challenging moments in her life. She had prepared herself for extreme reactions, but her parents showed love and acceptance. However, she distanced herself from them and others due to her own insecurities and feeling like she had disappointed them. Through mutual compassion and understanding, Lily and her parents have since developed a close and loving relationship.

Q: How does being open and vulnerable in the book help inspire others?

Lily acknowledges that she doesn't often openly discuss personal topics such as her sexuality publicly. However, in her book, she shares her vulnerable experiences, allowing readers to understand her on a deeper level. By sharing her journey, she hopes to create empathy, promote understanding, and inspire others who may be going through similar struggles. It is an opportunity for connection and growth.

Takeaways

This podcast episode with Lily Singh highlights the importance of building a strong foundation and embracing one's values, even in the face of societal expectations. It encourages individuals to shift their focus from external measures of success to inner growth and happiness. Lily's personal experiences, including her coming-out journey, demonstrate the power of compassion, understanding, and self-acceptance. The concept of "coming home" reminds us to create mental spaces that allow for non-judgment, self-reflection, and recharging. Embracing change and understanding that we are all complex beings with evolving values is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. Ultimately, the book "Be a Triangle" serves as a source of inspiration, practical guidance, and vulnerability to help readers navigate their own inner work.